the more frustrated i become with certain situations, the more i feel like God is trying to teach me something in the midst of my frustration.

sometimes, i get so mad. and, then, i feel a gentle prodding reminding me that i don't know all of what people are really dealing with in their lives. my human nature is to get mad and 'fight' back. with words that can hurt. actions that can damage. not to mention, when i do react in a negative way, it gives me more stress. i don't think i need to tell you that with everything else i am juggling, i do not need any extra stress.

there is so much i don't talk about. things that are deeply personal and frankly, things that i can't change and i can't do without God. i mess up more times than i would like to admit. i am not the person i would like to be. but, i want to get there. and, i don't want to give up.

i say all this to say, if i know there is much i don't discuss, people that i encounter daily, have so much they leave unsaid too. things that are to painful to talk about. things that are tough. things that would break your heart.

everyone has something. no one is perfect. no one's life is perfect. everyone is hiding something that if we knew, we would have compassion even for our greatest enemies. life brings pain. no one leaves this life having never experienced something that broke their heart.

the more and more i feel like i am getting a lesson in learning that people project the hurt inside of them by the way they react and act, the more i am forced to deal with situations that i have been struggling with, head on. and, in certain situations, i see how i reacted in a certain way, because of the pain i have regarding certain things. it's hard. i don't want to think about them. i don't want to talk about them. i have trouble giving them and trusting God with them. who do i think i am? do i not accept the fact that God will work it out? one way or another, it will turn out just the way God planned it anyway and He really doesn't need my help. do i not believe that when i think i can never do something, God can do it? He can give me the strength to do things i feel incapable of doing and things i believe impossible.

i know this, even when i try to take my situations into my hands and end up making a bigger mess of them, GOD KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING. i do not. i could not fathom the wonderful things God has in store, to engulf the pain, heartache and fear that i have, to be replaced with joy and blessings i can not imagine!

xoxo,
heather

lately, i've spent lots of time dreaming that i am somewhere else.

i daydream about our next assignment, possibly europe. i daydream about sitting outside a little bistro somewhere far, far away enjoying a nice hot beverage and a pastry. i just know i absolutely belong in europe :) but these days, i care less about where we are going and more about the fact we will be together again. i miss my best friend. i miss our stupid, silly little jokes, going grocery shopping together, watching tv and sitting on our separate couches on our laptops, but still being together.

i daydream about our trip to disney. planning it keeps me busy and gives me something to look forward to, aside from the obvious, which is getting to see my husband for a short while, before we are separated for the last half of his tour. thankfully, the time is passing quick enough, though i would be okay with it passing just a little bit faster. i am trying to take every day and find the good and enjoy them anyway. i don't want any of my days to be wasted.

i daydream of the home we left in dc. though we knew it was only temporary, when i think of it, it still feels like home. i miss it so much. it was the place that was our shared home. i miss our friends. i miss being regulars that were known by the wonderful staff and owners at murphy's. i miss taking the metro downtown with jason on the weekends. i miss sunday's at chesapeake and lunch at joe and natalie's. i miss the shopping! i know, i know, surprise, surprise. the closest h&m to me now is about 4 hours away, not exactly doable in a pinch for some new accessories or a shopping spree for the current season's clothing.

i just miss things right now. i try to focus on the good, but it doesn't change the fact that i feel like i am just in a place of transition, but, then, i guess we usually are, at least in this world. always waiting on the next thing, and when we get there, there is always something else we are awaiting.

in an effort to remember that, 'the grass is always greener,' and try to focus and enjoy the here and now, i bought this..i hope that when i wear it, and when i don't, it can be my motto and reminder that life is good, it's really good. :)

xoxo,
heather