Day 5, Paris: Eiffel Tower.

After Moulin Rouge, J & I took the train back into town a bit, then hopped on our Rouge Bus, to enjoy some lovely city views atop the double-decker bus. Here are some of the shots of the Eiffel Tower.

Day 5, Paris: Moulin Rouge.

After our not-so-successful search of Place du Tertre, we hopped on the train a couple of stops to visit Moulin Rouge. 

We stopped in at the little cafe across the way, and had a great view of the building. I enjoyed some hot chocolate and we shared some frites. The frites in Europe are seriously so good. Generally, I don't eat anything fried, but frites are an exception now and again. :)

This is your life, are you who you want to be?

So, a little forward, I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and debated on posting it, but you know what? This is how I feel and sometimes you just need a place to get your thoughts out and that's part of the reason for this blog, so here goes.

via

I wonder, why people think that there is any difference in telling people you're pregnant or what your child is doing daily is any different that someone talking about what they are doing daily.


When does either one become boastful or excessive? 


No, I don't have children, yet. Naturally, I have other things that occupy my time that children do not yet fill. I fill my time with bettering my health, by working-out. I like fashion, so I shop and find deals. I read. I like a few TV shows I try to keep up with. I am a collector of quotes I love and I like to share them. Mostly because in some way, they relate to something I have been through/am going through. I like to cook and bake. On and on.


Now, let me say this. I love my friends' kiddos. They are such a wonderful blessing to those around them and I am happy for my friends who have kids. What I have a problem with is when some of those people forget that when other people don't have them (kids), they have other interests that occupy their time. Just because I talk about fitness regularly doesn't mean I am judging you or putting you down, try to remember that I have my own interests and things I enjoy. I don't put you down or say hateful and spiteful things because the only thing you talk about is your child/children, I understand that's what makes YOU happy and because you are happy, I choose to be happy for you.


Sometimes it seems like people forget who they were before they are who they are now. You didn't always have kids. You didn't always have this job or that. Or live there or here. You didn't always have all of what you have now. 


It's no secret that I love the life J and I are blessed to lead in Germany. I love taking photos of the things we do and posting photos or little stories. I know at anytime, anything could happen and we wouldn't be in this place or position any more, so I choose to soak up everything, in everyday that I possibly can. Apparently, to some this means I think I am better than they are or I am different in some way than the person I once was. I am different. I am not the same person. Every experience we have changes us in some ways. We are always changing and growing, and if you aren't, then, that's actually pretty sad. I always want to improve. There is always room for improving.


I still love where I come from and am proud to call it home, but that doesn't mean I would choose to spend my entire life there, but I know that for some people, that is what they desire and I don't think any less of them because of that fact. My parents have both spent the majority of their lives there, and my Dad died and is buried there. However, people are very, very quick to assume that I am better, think I am better or I am above them, or this or that. I can't please everyone, and honestly, I don't care to. If you don't like who I am, what I say, or what I do, then don't read my blog or Facebook, because it's not about YOU, it's MINE, I can do, say and think what I choose to. I do my best not to be offensive to people, but if the blessings in my life upset you, then that's something you need to deal with, it is not my problem.


I do however, have a problem with people being so quick to judge and talk about what they don't like in others, all the while they could be busy improving themselves in some way instead of spending time judging others or backbiting. 


I have done nothing to deserve the hatefulness and little petty things people say. NOTHING at all. If you think I don't know where I came from, think again. I talk to my Mom, my sister and several friends multiple times a week. These are people who make time for me and I do the same. It works both ways. Don't assume that because it appears that my life is 'perfect', that it is. Nothing and no one is perfect. I have struggles, too. I may live in Germany, but I still need the support of friends and it's very hurtful when the same people I have been there for countless times decide that I am not worth their time. Here's the thing though, and I mean this, so listen. I would much rather people give me an earful of how they feel about me, instead of going around blasting me with well-placed words that they think I don't catch on to. It doesn't mean I will agree with what is said, but I will listen, because maybe something said is something I could take and improve on. 


I am past the point where I want to be hateful to people because I am angry or hurt about something in my life. Jealousy & hatefulness are not pretty. I don't want them to be words used to describe me. Of course there are things people have that I don't have, but instead of being nasty about it, I would rather be HAPPY for those people. Crazy thought, right? Being happy for your friends and stuff. It makes no sense, no sense at all. :)


All I ask is that you remember that attacking people is not right. For any reason. And, yes, I am learning this too. I never said I was perfect. 


Title courtesy of SWITCHFOOT.

Day 5, Paris: In Search of Place du Tertre.

On our last day spent in Paris, J & I decided to go to Place du Tertre, which is the place that you often see depicted in movies as the place where the artists gather with their easels to draw and paint lovely pictures. After searching for over an hour, going in circles, we had to give up our search. I was not happy. I was so looking forward to being able to photograph this historic little site, I have seen so often in movies and photos.

Maybe next time. Yes, that will be just fine. After all, I'll take any excuse I can to get back to Paris. 

that wind is calling my name, and i won't wait..

When I arrived in Germany 8 months ago, I never anticipated the changes that would occur in my life.


A year ago, I was going through depression and in that state, I never thought I would truly be happy again. That is, after all, what depression does to your mind. I was scared, not excited to move to a foreign country. I was scared, not excited to get on a boat for nine days to get to this country. I was scared, not excited to live in this country for three years. 


I know the trigger was Jason coming home for a short time and then, while enjoying our vacation at Disney World, I thought about him leaving again, and I just couldn't hack it. I was fine before, I was enjoying spending time with friends and family in Texas, while he did his year in Korea. I was independent, while living in Texas. I had family and friends who were there if I needed anything, but it was so nice to be in a place with open spaces and familiarity. It just goes to show, depression can affect anyone, anywhere. This wasn't the first time I have battled it, but it was the worst. Just because you are strong, doesn't mean depression won't affect you. And, despite what some think, depression isn't something you can 'help yourself' out of. It is a mental disease. 


I don't know when the depression started easing up. I do know many nights, my sister and my Mom stayed at my house, just so I wouldn't be alone. No, I wasn't going to hurt myself, I just couldn't handle being alone. I know many days, I forced myself to get up, get dressed and just get out of the house, even if I had no where in particular to go. I forced myself to eat and work-out, even if that was all I could muster. I pretended I was okay and happy for certain people, all the while, those closest to me were frightened by the change in me and didn't know what they could do to help. Most nights, I couldn't sleep and when I did, I woke up sweating and scared. Of what, I didn't really know. Anxiety, all the time.


When we found out we were moving to Germany, J was so excited. He wished for this. I, however, tried to find a way around it. Looking back, it makes sense. Topping off a battle with depression with an overseas PCS in the near future, it was almost more than I could bear. I think the main problem for me at that point, was knowing I would have to fly. I dislike flying, if I can avoid it, I do. Flying can make me panic faster than anything in this world. So, I got a wild idea to look for a cruise that would take me from the United States to Germany, or at the very least, Europe. I never imagined it would actually work out. So, when I did find a ship and my sister did want to join me, it became more real and I was still scared. 


Something happened, though, aboard my transportation to this country, in between New York and Southampton. I relaxed. I got excited. I enjoyed lounging by the pool. I loved seeing nothing but ocean, which is a bit amusing, since that was something I thought would scare me the most. I thought being out on the ocean, far from all land, would make me feel trapped. Instead, I feel it liberated me. 


The first month here was full of anxiety, wondering if we would find a place to live, wondering if I could live here for 3 years. Sister was here, it did not go well. I was not a fun person to be around. It is quite stressful arriving in a foreign country, with no home, looking at so many houses that we would call about and would already be rented out, it was so frustrating. And, moving with the military is always so painless. I am kidding about that last part. :)


We did finally find a home and I am glad we held out, because we love our home. I think I enjoy the light in the house the most. When I walk downstairs in the morning, the sun is shining in and I can't help but smile. Most days I wonder, how did I get here? And, then I think, I had to go through  what felt like hell, to get here.


I have been reflecting on this past year a lot lately. To have been at the lowest I have ever been in my entire life and then to be where I am now. It makes me want to cry, just thinking about it. I wake up and have to smile. I feel like I can take on most anything these days and that feels so darn good! I set goals and achieve them, not only achieve them, but shatter them. It feels so incredible to do that!


A year ago, what people said or thought about me bothered me. These days, I understand everyone has an opinion, but what I think of myself matters so much more than what anyone says about me. On the same note, I do my best not to judge others, because it's not helpful to anyone. I can't control what people say about me, but I can control what I say about others. I choose to rejoice in people's fortunes, happiness and the good things in their lives. It saddens me sometimes, that friends cannot seem to do the same for me, but then, they aren't in the same place in life. They may not be ready to grow and change for the better. They may not have gone through an experience that made them want to be better, because they know what it feels like to feel like you have no hope. I want to improve everyday. It helps to surround yourself with wonderful people who inspire you to want to be better. I am so thankful for the people we have had the pleasure to spend time with here. 


I do my best to be a good friend, but I have to come first. I don't mean that in a hateful way, I just know if I don't make myself a priority, I shouldn't expect anyone else to. And, not everyone will be there for you when it counts. That's a tough pill to swallow, but there it is. I am learning to be okay with that. I would rather have a small number of true, loyal friends and that is where I am putting my efforts and time, those friendships. If you don't have time for me, that's fine. I won't, however, bend over backwards anymore for people who won't and don't make time for me. You don't make time for me, I don't make time for you. It sounds a bit heartless, but to preserve my sanity, that's the way it has to be. It hurts too bad to try over and over again with the same people who just don't care or think that they can do/say whatever and you'll stick around. And, for goodness sake, people, tell the truth. There is nothing worse than not taking responsibility for your words and actions. If you have to lie about it, you probably shouldn't do it in the first place. On that same note, don't be ashamed of who you are. You needn't lie about who you are.


Germany isn't perfect, but I love it here. The weather may not be what I would choose, but I can choose my attitude about the weather. I am prepared for a cold, spring day with fun, lightweight scarves. Or bright trenches for rainy days. It doesn't benefit you to complain about the weather, you can't change it. I would rather just enjoy every single day, no matter where I am, because life is short, but it is still so sweet, so don't take it for granted and miss it. 


These days, when I wake up, it's not with anxiety, it's with joy. Somedays I can feel that familiar little tinge of anxiety trying to come back and when it does, I am ready. I put on a favorite song. Or, show. Or bust out an awesome work-out. I am happy to be alive and that is so much more than I could have said a year ago. And, I will fight with all I have to make sure everyday counts.


[i am not sure where the credit to the photo goes, if you know, please let me know.]
[title: lyrics from the song half moon, by blind pilot]

Landgraf Days: Pirmasens, Germany.

//one: fun little easter decor in pirmasens. //two: scenes of the day in b&w. //three: scenes of the day in color. //four: hot chocolate on a chilly day. //five: handmade metal roses made at the landgraf days.

J & I, along with friends had a fun little Saturday outing in Pirmasens, for their Landgraf Days festivities. To be honest, all I know is that it was celebrating the history & heritage of the city. We saw a fire juggler, a band that marched up the street, not once but twice, gorgeous city monuments, & spring decor. 

We all spotted an H&M, so of course we made a little stop there, to get warm, of course... ;) Can I just say, I am loving all the prints and brights that are out in force these days?! Love.

After spending a while looking around the little market place, we grabbed a little bite at a quaint cafe down the street. Before heading back home, we tried some delicious slow roasted pork sandwiches and little sweet dough-y treats covered in cinnamon and zucker (sugar). 

We very much enjoy taking in all the little things to see in do in our temporary home. We are so blessed to be able to live here, even if for a little while.

all photos via my iphone & edited on instagram.

Day 4, Paris: George V & Laduree.

//one: Beef Bourgignon at George V. //two: J's Moules, which of course also included frites. //three: George V. //four: Laduree, Avenue des Champs-Élysées. //five: Interior shots of Laduree. //six: Fun little macaron trees. //seven: Pretty packaging and goodies. //eight & nine: Pastel macarons. //ten: My favorite, salted caramel macaron. //eleven: Rose macaron with marshmallow creme filling. //twelve: A little something we picked up at Galleries Lafayette. 

After the Arc, J & I were starving, so we were on the look-out for a place to have dinner. We decided on George V, a small little cafe that served French dishes, which coincidentally enough, we were having trouble finding. I got to watch some of New York Fashion Week's highlights on the televisions in the restaurants, so that was awesome!

For dinner, I ordered beef bourgignon and J had moules frites. Both were delicious! When asked if we wanted dessert after our meal, we had to respectfully decline. We already knew exactly where we were having dessert, Laduree. We crossed the street to get in line to order some of their pastel colored cookies. We got a little mini macaron sampler & took it back to our hotel room to enjoy.

My favorite by far was the salted caramel, but the rose filled with marshmallow creme was a close second. I may or may not have eaten four, count them, four mini macarons in one sitting. When in Paris, right?

Earlier in the day we were able to visit Galleries Lafayette, a must for anyone who loves fashion, food, or a place to find fun Paris souvenirs that are less cheesy than what you generally find elsewhere in the city. I left with a souvenir of my own. A sterling necklace with a rose gold star charm made by a Paris company, Delphes. I love stars. I love rose gold. I love sterling. And, I love short necklaces that I can wear with shirts with collars that come up a bit higher. Perfect little something to bring home, especially because it was actually made in Paris.