Where I've Stood.

It's been a while, but I know those of you who actually read this thing are still here. ;)

Today, I absolutely need an outlet to get some thoughts out and I feel redundant posting things on Facebook and obviously, my need to get thoughts out and just be heard sometimes is part of the reason I ever even started blogging. Granted, I am not a serious or consistent blogger. It is what it is.

So, J and I have been in Germany for two years this upcoming July. Living here has been such a wonderful and healing experience for me. 2011 was a really tough year, which I have touched on just a little and those of you closest to me are aware of some of the details of that and why. J and I were separated by many miles. He completed a tour in Korea and I moved back to Texas. The year was largely wonderful and I was doing well and working again. J was staying busy with his job there and made a couple of pretty great friends, or at least one. :) When J came back from Korea for his mid-tour, I was okay and we were halfway done and hoping for an overseas PCS (Permanent Change of Station, or our next base.) Anyway, a couple of days before Jason flew out to California for a month long training, before returning to Korea, I woke up with a panic/anxiety attack, much like the ones I had for months after my Dad passed away. Knowing my past history with depression and how it manifests in me, I knew it was not good and it was going to be hard to pull myself out of. So, the night before J left for California, I made the decision to fly (AND, I don't fly!) and go to California as well. I hope we are able to get back one day, because I didn't fully get to enjoy the experience because of everything I was dealing with mentally. 

I am so blessed to have a husband who has stood beside me when he didn't understand what was going on with me and couldn't comprehend what was going on with me, but still held me and loved me and encouraged me and hoped when I couldn't, that someday, I would be ME again. He hoped when I had no hope left. I cried, I prayed, I tried my hardest to pull myself out of the pit I was in, but I didn't do it alone. I have questioned sovereignty, but I know in my heart of hearts, I am where I am today because God, in his grace, allowed me to become a fighter and the fighting changed my heart. Knowing where I have stood, I now try to extend grace to others, because I know how easy it is to put on a fake smile or cover hurts by spewing hatefulness about others to try to fill the holes in my own heart. I am not perfect and my mouth often moves faster than my head and heart, but I try. I do try. I can only hope and pray that people see the whole picture of who I am and not just those times when I don't think when I speak or when out of frustration or an off day, I say something less than kind. I want to be love. I want to be grace. I want to be forgiveness, in a world that has little to give. 

Sometimes, when I am happiest, I am also most sad. It's strange how those feelings surface and when. But when I think of those days when I never thought anything would make me happy again, I'll absolutely take the good with the bad. Sometimes the anxiety sneaks in. The insecurities that I'm not good enough or that people don't truly like or love me. Sometimes I push people away because I feel like eventually, they will decide I am not worthy. But, I am learning that with all my flaws, we are all worthy of being loved and finding love. 

Living in Germany has changed me for the good. Currently, I am trying to convince my current home to speed up the winter and let spring come on in, but it's mostly good. ;) I still wake up and often cannot believe that this is my life. 

I have recently joined a group that I always vowed to never join, because of the stereotypes I believed (and shouldn't have..) I have met some of the most wonderful people, who give so much to the community and to each other. After having unfortunate ends to friendships with people who didn't know how to give anything good to anyone after being here only a short time, it is nice to be among people who care and give so much. Knowing them is making me a better person. 

I am kind of rambling at this point, but I'm sure I'll be back soon, or maybe not. You never do know. ;)

Just know that you are worthy of love, kindness, respect and grace. And, you are also strong enough to give it. 

that wind is calling my name, and i won't wait..

When I arrived in Germany 8 months ago, I never anticipated the changes that would occur in my life.


A year ago, I was going through depression and in that state, I never thought I would truly be happy again. That is, after all, what depression does to your mind. I was scared, not excited to move to a foreign country. I was scared, not excited to get on a boat for nine days to get to this country. I was scared, not excited to live in this country for three years. 


I know the trigger was Jason coming home for a short time and then, while enjoying our vacation at Disney World, I thought about him leaving again, and I just couldn't hack it. I was fine before, I was enjoying spending time with friends and family in Texas, while he did his year in Korea. I was independent, while living in Texas. I had family and friends who were there if I needed anything, but it was so nice to be in a place with open spaces and familiarity. It just goes to show, depression can affect anyone, anywhere. This wasn't the first time I have battled it, but it was the worst. Just because you are strong, doesn't mean depression won't affect you. And, despite what some think, depression isn't something you can 'help yourself' out of. It is a mental disease. 


I don't know when the depression started easing up. I do know many nights, my sister and my Mom stayed at my house, just so I wouldn't be alone. No, I wasn't going to hurt myself, I just couldn't handle being alone. I know many days, I forced myself to get up, get dressed and just get out of the house, even if I had no where in particular to go. I forced myself to eat and work-out, even if that was all I could muster. I pretended I was okay and happy for certain people, all the while, those closest to me were frightened by the change in me and didn't know what they could do to help. Most nights, I couldn't sleep and when I did, I woke up sweating and scared. Of what, I didn't really know. Anxiety, all the time.


When we found out we were moving to Germany, J was so excited. He wished for this. I, however, tried to find a way around it. Looking back, it makes sense. Topping off a battle with depression with an overseas PCS in the near future, it was almost more than I could bear. I think the main problem for me at that point, was knowing I would have to fly. I dislike flying, if I can avoid it, I do. Flying can make me panic faster than anything in this world. So, I got a wild idea to look for a cruise that would take me from the United States to Germany, or at the very least, Europe. I never imagined it would actually work out. So, when I did find a ship and my sister did want to join me, it became more real and I was still scared. 


Something happened, though, aboard my transportation to this country, in between New York and Southampton. I relaxed. I got excited. I enjoyed lounging by the pool. I loved seeing nothing but ocean, which is a bit amusing, since that was something I thought would scare me the most. I thought being out on the ocean, far from all land, would make me feel trapped. Instead, I feel it liberated me. 


The first month here was full of anxiety, wondering if we would find a place to live, wondering if I could live here for 3 years. Sister was here, it did not go well. I was not a fun person to be around. It is quite stressful arriving in a foreign country, with no home, looking at so many houses that we would call about and would already be rented out, it was so frustrating. And, moving with the military is always so painless. I am kidding about that last part. :)


We did finally find a home and I am glad we held out, because we love our home. I think I enjoy the light in the house the most. When I walk downstairs in the morning, the sun is shining in and I can't help but smile. Most days I wonder, how did I get here? And, then I think, I had to go through  what felt like hell, to get here.


I have been reflecting on this past year a lot lately. To have been at the lowest I have ever been in my entire life and then to be where I am now. It makes me want to cry, just thinking about it. I wake up and have to smile. I feel like I can take on most anything these days and that feels so darn good! I set goals and achieve them, not only achieve them, but shatter them. It feels so incredible to do that!


A year ago, what people said or thought about me bothered me. These days, I understand everyone has an opinion, but what I think of myself matters so much more than what anyone says about me. On the same note, I do my best not to judge others, because it's not helpful to anyone. I can't control what people say about me, but I can control what I say about others. I choose to rejoice in people's fortunes, happiness and the good things in their lives. It saddens me sometimes, that friends cannot seem to do the same for me, but then, they aren't in the same place in life. They may not be ready to grow and change for the better. They may not have gone through an experience that made them want to be better, because they know what it feels like to feel like you have no hope. I want to improve everyday. It helps to surround yourself with wonderful people who inspire you to want to be better. I am so thankful for the people we have had the pleasure to spend time with here. 


I do my best to be a good friend, but I have to come first. I don't mean that in a hateful way, I just know if I don't make myself a priority, I shouldn't expect anyone else to. And, not everyone will be there for you when it counts. That's a tough pill to swallow, but there it is. I am learning to be okay with that. I would rather have a small number of true, loyal friends and that is where I am putting my efforts and time, those friendships. If you don't have time for me, that's fine. I won't, however, bend over backwards anymore for people who won't and don't make time for me. You don't make time for me, I don't make time for you. It sounds a bit heartless, but to preserve my sanity, that's the way it has to be. It hurts too bad to try over and over again with the same people who just don't care or think that they can do/say whatever and you'll stick around. And, for goodness sake, people, tell the truth. There is nothing worse than not taking responsibility for your words and actions. If you have to lie about it, you probably shouldn't do it in the first place. On that same note, don't be ashamed of who you are. You needn't lie about who you are.


Germany isn't perfect, but I love it here. The weather may not be what I would choose, but I can choose my attitude about the weather. I am prepared for a cold, spring day with fun, lightweight scarves. Or bright trenches for rainy days. It doesn't benefit you to complain about the weather, you can't change it. I would rather just enjoy every single day, no matter where I am, because life is short, but it is still so sweet, so don't take it for granted and miss it. 


These days, when I wake up, it's not with anxiety, it's with joy. Somedays I can feel that familiar little tinge of anxiety trying to come back and when it does, I am ready. I put on a favorite song. Or, show. Or bust out an awesome work-out. I am happy to be alive and that is so much more than I could have said a year ago. And, I will fight with all I have to make sure everyday counts.


[i am not sure where the credit to the photo goes, if you know, please let me know.]
[title: lyrics from the song half moon, by blind pilot]

You ARE More.

After reading one of my favorite blogs, I had to take a step back. 

I like nice things. I do. And, those closest to me are aware of this. But, to people that don't know me, it might seem like I think the things that I have are what make me, well me. And, I have realized in the past year, more than ever, things do not make your life worthwhile. 

Being married into the military can be tough. Our first assignment was Andrews, just outside of DC. At the time that we moved there, I was still very much doing my best to cope with the death of my Dad, then the death of my sweet Mother-in-Law, and learning to live outside of a metropolitan area for the first time in my life, without lifelong friends and family, and being without friends for an extended period of time before meeting people; shopping helped dull those things, at least for a short time.

Last year, while J was in Korea, my sister & I loved to spend a day just shopping each week. It was our time together to try on things that we liked and discuss the things in each of our lives. Same with my Mom and her best friend. That was my outlet.

I grew up (and last year, moved back to) in a city where there are no buildings taller than maybe 3 stories, and even then, there is just one. A bank. A place where rodeos are the main draw to our city, cows and horses are everywhere and the sky is wide and open, and the stars are big (&bright. :)) The only things to do there, besides climbing trees and swimming in lakes, or getting large stacks of books from the library, were shopping at Wal-Mart or driving 45 minutes to the nearest mall. Or, Ross. Or Marshalls. Or even Target.

In the last couple of years, I have lost 50 pounds that I put on with my other way of coping, eating.   

On this blog, I do post about things I buy, things we do, places we go, what we eat, what we cook, etc. I don't ever want anyone who comes here to think that I feel that I am better than anyone. I learned that lesson a long time ago when my Dad overheard me say that I was better than another little girl who rode the van to church and I don't think I have ever felt lower than I have after my Dad got done talking to me. My parents taught my siblings and I that everyone we encounter are to be treated as our equal. Please know that anytime I post anything here, no matter what the subject, it does not come from a place of me trying to portray myself as someone who has it all, wants it all or frankly, has it all together. I will be the first to tell you I definitely do not. 

I do however, love fashion. I always have really, but for the last few years, I didn't buy clothes if I could avoid it. I hated the way I looked. So, I indulged in purses. After all, purses always fit. I thought that if I didn't look the way that I wanted, at least I would have something pretty to help detract from that. So, it may seem now that I shop a lot. I might. However, when I do, I rarely pay original prices. I have an inner price system, if you will, I will not pay over such and such for a top, or this number for pants, etc. I often choose to shop at places like H&M and in Germany, TK Maxx. I have purchased the majority of the clothes I own at places like Ross or Marshalls. I don't care much about what the label says. And, living here is great, because I don't know very many of them anyway. :) But, I have also learned in the last year to wear what I like, and not let what other people think determine my confidence while wearing it. I do however, love designer bags. That is the honest truth. However, I have never paid full price for a single one that I own, waiting for sales online or finding them at outlets, and even EBAY. This Texan loves a great deal and frankly, if I knew where the closest re-sale shops or thrift shops were in my neck of the woods, I would be shopping there!

All of this aside, those aren't the things that make me who I am. Not the clothes, the shoes, the bags, the car, the size clothes I wear. None of that. And, I don't want to be known by what I have or what I buy or what I have done. I want people to remember my love of life! My love of people. My willingness to always give people a second chance, even when it hurts. After all, isn't that what each one of us has been given by a merciful Savior?

The things that make me happiest? Sunshine. Hugs & kisses from my husband. Kisses from my sweet little puppy. Bright colors, the ones that almost blind you. Springtime flowers. Reading a book in my hammock. Cooking dinner for sweet friends. Baking a dessert for someone who needs a sweet and a smile. Getting really lost in a book. Hearing from an old friend, just letting you know that they still care. Reuniting with those old friends. Enjoying a nice, warm cup of tea while cuddled up on the couch. A good, thick fashion magazine for inspiration for the season. Family. Friends that become family.

I hope when friends and family read this blog they know that what I post here is for people to keep up with what I am doing, what I am interested in and what is new in our lives. Never is it meant to be a place of bragging or showing off. And, I guess sometimes in my excitement about certain things, it can seem that way, so that is exactly why I am setting the record straight. :)

Just a little song to leave you with, about how we are all so much more. YOU ARE MORE.

a little about living in germany..

living in germany is such an amazing dream come true.

when we first found out we might come here, i was very hesitant. i knew there would be amazing opportunities, but i wasn't sure how i felt about living so far from everything i knew. it wasn't my first time living away from all i knew, but another country? it was a bit overwhelming.

but, obviously i decided to come. and, i am so, so glad!

germany is so beautiful. we have seen a lot in the almost 4 months we have been here, but haven't even begun to see all there is to see here. 

most days i just can't believe i am here and that i am this blessed. 

it sounds a little crazy, but somehow, i feel like i am exactly where i am supposed to be and i feel so at home and at peace here. 

since j and i got married, we have spent probably half of our holidays away from our families. it is hard. of course we miss them. however, this is the first year that when the holidays started getting close, i didn't feel overwhelmingly homesick and sad. something about being here makes me so content and for the most part, so at ease. it's different here. people aren't all out for the next big thing or the most expensive this or that. people are content. it's amazing to see that play out. my american mentality is still see more, want more, because that's what our country teaches us. i love my country, but it is so refreshing to be in a place where it seems like people aren't competing for the biggest and best, but are content with what they have and having what they need to live a good life, not an overindulgent, extravagant life.

i'm falling in love with this country and am so, so thankful for this wonderful experience!

tschüss,

heather

just a short list of things i am thankful for..

right now,

i am thankful:

for my husband. there were times where we really struggled and fought so much. i am so glad we didn't take the easy way out, we stuck it out. i can honestly say that j is my very best friend and i am so blessed to share my life with him.

little baby dog, dublin. this dog makes me laugh, scream, scares the mess out of me, & ticks me off sometimes, but i am so happy that he is our 'little boy' and my sweet little buddy, always ready to give loves. he is such a sweet, loving little dog.

for great friends, new & old. i am constantly amazed at how amazing & genuine people really can be. i am so thankful that i have connected with old friends that i have missed very much and for new friends that have already shown me the meaning of true friendship, without jealousy or judgment.

to live in such a wonderful & beautiful country. it is wonderful to be able to do all that we do. we have already seen so much in 3 months that i never in a million years thought i would ever see.

to be able to see, touch, hear, learn & understand. some people don't have those abilities. i am constantly amazed by everything around me. life is such a blessing, not to be taken for granted.

for age. sometimes i ponder how amazing it is to still be alive and kickin'. i mean, if you really think about it, if you are sitting here reading this, you are already doing better than some. growing old is a blessing, don't let it become a curse. you are blessed to grow older, it means you have been given more: more time to enjoy, more laughter, more love, more hurt, more pain, but any way it goes, you have been given more than some, don't waste it.

for my dad. no, i didn't have him as long as i wanted. and that is definitely an understatement. there are days the pain is so intense, it feels like it was literally yesterday that he was taken from us. there are days when i honestly don't know how i function(ed), or how i made it to where i am. the pain of the loss is so incredibly searing. the loss of my dad taught me what really matters in life. and, it sure wasn't the things i thought mattered at the time. i honestly believe that when you go through any sort of loss, of life especially, it changes you. it changed me for the better and it is still changing me. i am thankful to have had such a wonderful person that i still miss so, so much. i was blessed to have had a dad who loved me and that made all the difference.

for my family. i have a mom & a sister who are two of my closest friends. we have laughed, cried, fought and lost together. we are stronger as individuals and as whole because of what we have been through together. my brother is such a big teddy bear and i am so proud of the man he is becoming. and, for my in-laws. i have been blessed with some fab people to love and call family.

for people who hurt me. they make me stronger and show me what i don't want to become. they help me to treat people with love & respect, because i know what it is like to be hurt and abused.

photography. it is my passion! i love creating a memory in a frame of a camera. i love editing photos. i love sharing them. i love learning and growing and improving them.

for fashion. kate spade purses. lysgaard scarves. converse shoes. heels. french lace. skinny jeans. cowboy boots. pretty little dresses. blazers. bright blue pea coats. hats! neon. glitter. sequins. just a few of my favorite things. :)

for european food. speculoos. gluwein. beer. brats. wine. marzipan. nougat. macarons. fresh bread. belgian waffles. stroopwaffels. loose leaf tea from globus. cheese. 

for texas! i love my homestate. so much history and so much beauty! i love it.

travels. i just realized how many amazing places i have been able to visit! nyc. paris. boston. uk. los angeles. hollywood. santa barbara. santa monica. luxembourg. belgium. france. germany. dc. dallas. austin. san antonio. new braunfels. san marcos. shreveport-bossier. i love looking back at my photos and reminiscing on the places i(we) have been. simply amazing.

health. i have been able to and had the means to literally bust my butt and lose almost 45 pounds. knowing that i could accomplish what i have makes me feel strong and has carried over into other areas of my life. i feel much more confident in my abilities and what i am capable of. and the answer to that? anything i want!

my life. i am and have been so blessed. i pray that i remember to never, ever take that for granted.

I am back. I fully intend on blogging, so everyone can keep up with your favorite world travelers. :)

I won't be posting new pictures until next week. We have to dump my computer, as I got a virus about 2 days after entering this country. So, those have already been stored on an external, safe and sound. I hope!

I am also planning to redesign my blog page, so that is in the works, as well. New pictures of me mostly. I look quite different than the pictures on the front page, these days.

Well, see you all soon and I hope to hear from you all!

xoxo,
Heather

wow. it has been quite a while since i have posted.

let me catch you up!

jason and i spent a year apart, while he was stationed in korea. i lived in texas. i enjoyed spending time with family and friends.

jason came home in january, we took sister and mom to disney world & had a fabulous time! then, jason and i spent a month in california, while he did some training for work.

jason went back to korea to finish his last few months there. i worked another summer at the beautiful clements scout ranch.

and somewhere in between all of the craziness, we got word of our next assignment: germany!

i couldn't quite get over my fear of flying, so i arrived in hamburg, germany at the beginning of august via boat, the queen mary 2 to be exact.

germany is so wonderful and i am so glad we are here! more on that soon. :)

xoxo,
heather

ps i know i didn't use caps. i like it that way. :)

the more frustrated i become with certain situations, the more i feel like God is trying to teach me something in the midst of my frustration.

sometimes, i get so mad. and, then, i feel a gentle prodding reminding me that i don't know all of what people are really dealing with in their lives. my human nature is to get mad and 'fight' back. with words that can hurt. actions that can damage. not to mention, when i do react in a negative way, it gives me more stress. i don't think i need to tell you that with everything else i am juggling, i do not need any extra stress.

there is so much i don't talk about. things that are deeply personal and frankly, things that i can't change and i can't do without God. i mess up more times than i would like to admit. i am not the person i would like to be. but, i want to get there. and, i don't want to give up.

i say all this to say, if i know there is much i don't discuss, people that i encounter daily, have so much they leave unsaid too. things that are to painful to talk about. things that are tough. things that would break your heart.

everyone has something. no one is perfect. no one's life is perfect. everyone is hiding something that if we knew, we would have compassion even for our greatest enemies. life brings pain. no one leaves this life having never experienced something that broke their heart.

the more and more i feel like i am getting a lesson in learning that people project the hurt inside of them by the way they react and act, the more i am forced to deal with situations that i have been struggling with, head on. and, in certain situations, i see how i reacted in a certain way, because of the pain i have regarding certain things. it's hard. i don't want to think about them. i don't want to talk about them. i have trouble giving them and trusting God with them. who do i think i am? do i not accept the fact that God will work it out? one way or another, it will turn out just the way God planned it anyway and He really doesn't need my help. do i not believe that when i think i can never do something, God can do it? He can give me the strength to do things i feel incapable of doing and things i believe impossible.

i know this, even when i try to take my situations into my hands and end up making a bigger mess of them, GOD KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING. i do not. i could not fathom the wonderful things God has in store, to engulf the pain, heartache and fear that i have, to be replaced with joy and blessings i can not imagine!

xoxo,
heather

lately, i've spent lots of time dreaming that i am somewhere else.

i daydream about our next assignment, possibly europe. i daydream about sitting outside a little bistro somewhere far, far away enjoying a nice hot beverage and a pastry. i just know i absolutely belong in europe :) but these days, i care less about where we are going and more about the fact we will be together again. i miss my best friend. i miss our stupid, silly little jokes, going grocery shopping together, watching tv and sitting on our separate couches on our laptops, but still being together.

i daydream about our trip to disney. planning it keeps me busy and gives me something to look forward to, aside from the obvious, which is getting to see my husband for a short while, before we are separated for the last half of his tour. thankfully, the time is passing quick enough, though i would be okay with it passing just a little bit faster. i am trying to take every day and find the good and enjoy them anyway. i don't want any of my days to be wasted.

i daydream of the home we left in dc. though we knew it was only temporary, when i think of it, it still feels like home. i miss it so much. it was the place that was our shared home. i miss our friends. i miss being regulars that were known by the wonderful staff and owners at murphy's. i miss taking the metro downtown with jason on the weekends. i miss sunday's at chesapeake and lunch at joe and natalie's. i miss the shopping! i know, i know, surprise, surprise. the closest h&m to me now is about 4 hours away, not exactly doable in a pinch for some new accessories or a shopping spree for the current season's clothing.

i just miss things right now. i try to focus on the good, but it doesn't change the fact that i feel like i am just in a place of transition, but, then, i guess we usually are, at least in this world. always waiting on the next thing, and when we get there, there is always something else we are awaiting.

in an effort to remember that, 'the grass is always greener,' and try to focus and enjoy the here and now, i bought this..i hope that when i wear it, and when i don't, it can be my motto and reminder that life is good, it's really good. :)

xoxo,
heather

Life is too short.

Life is too short to keep people in your life that do not have your best interests at heart. Too short for people who cannot grow up enough to understand that sometimes people need to go their separate ways for the good of all involved. Too short to keep people around who only bring you down.

In the last few years, I have changed, for the better. I am by no means perfect, but I choose not to waste the short amount of time that I am blessed to be on this Earth, being miserable.

I do not expect people to always understand or agree with the decisions I make, but I don't feel that anyone needs to understand. I make decisions that I feel are best for me and my little family. That is what matters to me.

I do not intentionally set out to hurt people with the things I do or say and if they have, I do apologize for that. I do hope if I have, you will tell me. I truly believe unless you are aware of something you are doing that is hurting other people, you cannot fix the problem.

Life is just too short to waste time being angry or upset. So, I choose not to let things other people do bring me down. There is far too much good in this life to waste it by not appreciating all the wonderful things God has given me.

Life is just too short.

Road Blocks.

Today was a trying day.

Thankfully, I remember that every day is a GOOD day, some days are just BETTER than others.

I wanted to get all my errands done today, since it was forecasted to snow tonight. I LOVE the snow, but I dislike driving in it, mostly because of the way other people drive in it.

So, when I got up and got out of the house, I went to our local dollar store for a few projects I am working on. Then, I decided, since I was closer to the highway, I would take it into the nearby city that I shop in. I never go the way I went today, because it is closer for me to take a road all the way to the highway, which cuts off a lot of the highway driving and cuts tons of stress off of my trip. :) Well, the one day I decide to go that way, they are doing road work and have the highway down to one lane, which would be fine, if people would get in the working lane, before the sign and cones, since they are warned a mile beforehand. Instead, they insist on cutting other people off who can read the signs. No big deal, it didn't take much longer than it would have.

So, I go to Ross. I bought some things for myself and my projects.

Time for Ritz, the place I print my photos. Jason and I always purchase their prepaid digiprint cards. Jason has the actual card with him. Since he isn't here right now, I got all the card's information from him last night. I didn't take the information with me today. I get to Ritz, and he hands me my photos, some of which they didn't give me when I went in last weekend. I tell him those probably weren't paid for online, in advance. He tells me NONE of them were paid for in advance. I had left my phone in the car, so I had to go back and get that and try to get the card's information from Jason. He didn't have his wallet and THE card, so I had no solution. The nice manager let me take them anyway and I assured him I would call him back with the card's information, so he could put that and my transaction in his system, so it would show they are paid for.

I guess it's a good thing I bought myself a Disney coloring book today. It's a great de-stresser. :)

I think the GOOD outweighed the bad today, though. I found a little black dress that had a retail price of 210.00. I got it for 200.00 off! I also got some dressy-ish new shirts. Another dress in dark purple and a gray cardigan.

I came home and got to enjoy some cleaning therapy and watch the snow fall this evening. It really was a wonderful day, over all. :)

xoxo,
Heather

Think You Have it Bad?

First off, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, this is my blog and this is how I feel. And, any time you come to my page, you are entering into a place that I reflect, vent or share my life with you. You have been forewarned for future reference. :)

During the holiday season, many people reflect on what they are thankful for, but this year, more than ever, I have been so disappointed by people I have come in to contact with or am familiar with. I don't mean this in a hateful way. I hope it is not taken that way. I just mean that it hurts my heart to know that people I know are going through things that most people can not even begin to imagine, so hearing about people and their selfish, petty 'problems', just isn't on my list of things I care to hear about. My heart hurts. It hurts for people who have or are experiencing the magnitude of losing a parent, a child or spouse. Losses that cannot be compared to any other loss. Friends who are spending their Holiday season apart from their family members, because they are protecting you and I, and the freedom that so many take for granted. Most of them, serving in places that are not safe, places where the next moment is a gamble and they know that they are blessed to still be alive.

I don't understand how people get so absorbed in their petty and selfish lives that they can't see that other people have it so much worse. I know that may be such a cliche, but that is the best way I know of putting it. I know that life is hard. I really do. I just know that people have it worse than I. I know that there are people hurting more than I could even imagine. I know that where I don't have my Dad to spend the holidays with, I did have him. I did have time with him, and that was such a blessing. I have learned to appreciate what I had, instead of focusing on the loss. Yes, it hurts. All the time. No, it doesn't go away. I just know my Dad would want me to experience life as he did, to the fullest. He wasn't one to complain and whine about life, and he definitely had some hard times and sacrificed a lot to give to his family, but one thing I can tell you about him, is that he never forgot that someone always had it worse, and he helped others in anyway he could, even when times were hard for him.

A family so very special to me, experienced such a great loss, and it is such a blessing to me to see how they are relying on God through it all. They don't complain. Of course it hurts, but they don't feel sorry for themselves. I am so thankful to all the people they have been blessed with being able to rely on, but a bit disappointed in people that I thought would be there. I wish I could personally give a hug or a smile. Or just be there. I just wish the people who are there would realize that my friend needs someone to be there. I would give anything to be there, but can't.

I have a sweet friend who is blessed with the pregnancy of her first child. She keeps so positive and so focused on the amazing thing God has blessed her and her husband with and I haven't once heard her complain. No, her pregnancy has not been easy. It is so wonderful that she chooses to give thanks, instead of complaining. So, yes, it is possible to be pregnant and be positive, simultaneously. I just wish others would stop being so focused on their mindset that they have it so bad. That no one else has experienced pregnancy as bad as they. You are blessed with something many women may never get to experience, pregnancy. Your own child. God entrusted you with a wonderful miracle that is a child. Please, focus on that.

So, I ask all of you, please take time, reflect on things, and ask yourself whether the thing you are complaining about really is THAT bad. I am confident that most of the time, it isn't. Are you really 'depressed' or just upset that everything isn't all going your way? If God made everything easy, we wouldn't appreciate what we are given, what we are blessed with. We would glide through life and expect everything to be peachy and wonderful. We would have no need to give thanks.

So, give thanks, because someone else DOES have it worse than you. ALWAYS.

If you still don't believe me, go here. Or here. Or here.